My thirst to tell the truth gets me in trouble. 

Just like this might.
And so having said that,
if you know me because you're my parents, you might want to stop reading. But that is your choice, and I support you with whatever you choose.

And now onto the blog!
Sometimes I share with my mom how much it hurts and deeply confuses me how my dad seems to really dislike and judge me for passionately loving tattoos, and she disagrees with me. Which is always odd, being told that your feelings are wrong. I wish I could see my dad how she sees him. I grew up being told         
Do what you love! 
and now that I have started being more open with striving to be a tattoo artist/counselor (yes, at the same time), the hidden clause has come out:        
Do what you love (as long as it will support you)! 
and even though I've never been poor, I know that I'd rather be poor and happy then moderately well off and UNhappy. My dad is a creative person and doesn't get a chance to express that and dive deep into his creativity at his job, and openly dislikes it and has for as long as I've known him. And I do get it, he's supporting his family. But sometimes I really do wish we could have less stuff, and him have a job that he actually flourished in.

I personally love the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and although I know it's not for everyone, it impacted me greatly. And I'm about to do some quoting from that book, so I thought I'd just prepare you all.

One thing that really touched me was when they described a 'hiding woman', one who "hides behind our humor. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe...we have spoken in the past and been met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again." I remember reading that at a coffee shop and having to avert my eyes away from the people at the other tables, so they wouldn't see my tears. So many tears have been shed over this book because...well, I don't always know. But sometimes it hurts, reading about yourself on pages, because it makes the hurt seem more real, more tangible. 
-----------> I love my parents fiercely. But sometimes I don't know how to be who they want me to be, and who I am. 

One of my closest friends who has read Captivating and hears me share my heart and hurt over not feeling accepted or even liked sometimes, asked me how I made it through this book. Well, a lot of crying. And somehow I came out of it not stronger or weaker, but for once, just me. God gave me this unquenchable thirst to live and love, and dream. So I dream big, because that's the only way you can with God, and I dream things that aren't approved of. 
And out of that has come a voice, my own voice, that is strong and inspiring and comforting (and not hiding!). It has made me friends, friends who share with me how they love how brave I am to open up, and how awesome my dreams are. In being open I've gained so much.

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