--->Scattered thoughts of a frustrated heart.

My friend doesn't want to go to the coffee shop we frequent anymore, but how can I tell her that driving to her house costs way too much gas?I know this is random, and probably sounds whiny, but this is me being real.
I'm choosing not to work until January. No school, no 'real' work (ie random jobs, sure. Nanny? No thanks. Not unless it's for your dogs) and I like that. I do. Of course the hard part is not having any money. All of a sudden you want this book, or a sweater, and you realize you don't have the money for it. Or even worse, you pay for gas and you realize you are now making negative money. 
I'm hoping to sell my art.
It's hard when you can't buy art supplies.
So you make do.
I realize there are people much worse off, mainly because I'm not even 'worse off', I'm just broke. I know if I asked my mom if I could buy something, she'd give me the money. But still I have this ever present tightness around my heart, this stress that makes my eyebrows feel tight on my forehead. 

I watch my dad go to work.
He hates it.
But he gets to buy what he wants. 
It makes me upset that he gets to buy whatever he wants [multiple guitars], but I know I need to grow up and not let it get to me.
     I know I'm acting like a jealous little kid.
I'm poor by my own doing.
I wouldn't trade him for his unhappiness.

I want to grow in this time that God has given me to grow.
But I want a lot of things these days.
It's so weird this fight that I'm in for peace. 
You wouldn't think you'd need to fight for peace, you know?

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