Today I went for a walk with my dog, Abby. [I really feel like stopping writing right now, and just publishing that one sentence. Not that I don't feel like writing, just to make it the most pointless blog update ever. But alas...I don't really feel like doing it. Onward!]

We walked around my neighborhood, which is essentially a very large circle. It was that perfect time right before dusk, before the streetlights come on. 

As a sidenote: I feel like whenever I am in a position of authority [even if it is just walking my dog] I somehow get something out of it. Mainly, I end up getting some sort of perspective on patience, or how God views us. Just a random view into my life.

During our walk there came a time when it definitely looked like it was about to pour. And as much as I love rain, I didn't love the idea of being stuck far from home in it, with my dog who does not like rain. This being the case, there was no longer going to be anymore dilly-dallying on either of our parts [ok, mainly her, when I go for a walk I go for a walk]. Of course she doesn't understand the imminent threat of a thunderstorm, so she really does not appreciate it when I don't let her take her time and stop and sniff everything like she enjoys doing. Taking all the situation in I realized that must be how God feels so much. He sees the storm and tries to keep us on track, but we're so easily distracted by what's in front of our face that we don't pay attention to His guidance.

Later on [this was a long walk. trust me] we're walking at a fairly fast pace [the threat of rain ended up not being fulfilled] and she starts coughing every few steps. But she just keeps chuggin along, even though it's perfectly alright if she stops and takes a breather. After a minute or so of this I finally have to make her stop walking and chill out for a few minutes. And when I say 'make her' I mean I literally had to kneel down next to her and make her stand still. Once again I was reminded of our walk with God when we're just striving to get where we think we need to go...sometimes we need to slow down before we start tripping ourselves up in our hurry. 

And. Last dog walking example, I promise: Part of my neighborhood runs next to a very busy road, which completely freaks my dog out. And by freak out I mean weaving all over the sidewalk and turning around like she didn't know which direction we were headed/had come from. And because I'm not a fan of just observing problems, I like to fix them, I decided to just carry her. Sure she gets heavy after a while, but she's my dog. All you dog people out there will know what I mean, it's an intense love. It doesn't hurt that she's not too fat and I could use the arm workout. At first she wasn't a fan because she was still scared of the cars whizzing by us, but after a few minutes she enjoyed the ride. And sometimes we need to let God carry us. 

Letting God carry that's a very real concept in my life right now. I'm starting down the long path of healing, dealing with some major stuff in my life that until now I had just been coping with. Surviving is a better word. I'm a survivor. And sometimes that makes me bitter, and in my bitterness instead of turning to God, I've turned in on myself and just clutched my hurts tight. So many times I watch children clutch 'Bear' or 'Rabbit' tight and I wonder what they'll clutch when they're older. I've clutched hurts and insecurities. And lies. I've clutched the idea of being strong [strong in God, strong in myself, just strong in general. Pick one, I've tried to be it]. And in being 'strong' I never allowed myself to be weak, and to heal. 

So now the healing, with and led by God, begins. This summer is going to be amazing!

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