A lot of things are changing in my life. You all know this. And if you know me, you know that I like to add things on to that. Such as what I recently did, which was to end a friendship that was co-dependent and not good for anyone involved [in July] and then to put a friendship on hold until Christmas [a few weeks ago], and most likely that friendship will stay on hold for a very long time. If I'm already hurting, I like to add stuff on. I think it makes sense! 
I feel like if your fingers on one hand are broken, you wouldn't ever just put 2 of them in a cast. You might as well put the whole hand in. 
So I'm trying to learn good habits, how much TV not to watch, and when to paint and when to read. And me being me, I'm adding in working out to that. For a very long time my "working out" has been to just not eat for a few days, finally give in, and continue to feel bad about myself while drowning in Mountain Dew. the truth is, I want to look like this:
Picture
But that isn't healthy for me. So it's not just a battle of body, but also of mind for me. And it starts today! 

My prayer: that I don't become obsessed in this and use it to hide out in and not face what's going on around me. That I use the time in front of me and especially when working out to reaffirm myself that I am beautiful in God's eyes no matter what I look like. That this transformation is to be healthier, not skinnier. 

Why am I blogging about it? Because in the past it's been incredibly hard to stick to. Not admitting to wanting to look like that model keeps me locked inside my own secret, and that's not a pretty place to be. 
 



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