It's how I feel.
Maybe this is how people that aren't "Christians" feel. Maybe not.

I was going to start a prayer journal* for my future partner. I think it's super sweet, and super needed [the prayer part, not the journal part]. But currently I feel like I have no right even praying for someone. I'm going through stuff that's unconventional for Christians to admit going through. Basically:
-I have a crush on the wrong person. 
AND GASP
-I plan on acting on that crush should they return the same feelings.

[The unconventional part isn't the crush, it's the admitting and acting on it, if you were wondering.]
I don't consider the person I have a crush on to be the wrong person. Other people will. Heck, other people DO. I see them as super sweet and awesome. It's weird knowing that if I enter into a relationship with someone others deem as the 'wrong person', my Christian street cred will be dashed to bits. I shouldn't care. My street cred is often trashed because I want to use tattoos for ministry [oh, and be covered with them, no big deal]...but this feels different. 
I feel judged. And hurt.
Also, my insecurities are already rearing their ugly heads with all their mean little questions of:
Why would that person even like you?
Why would they even notice you? 

So really...I just want to not feel like this. Do you ever get like that, when you don't know what end result you want, you just want to not deal with stuff anymore? 
Also, what do you think of the new layout...cause I'm diggin it. The banner is taken from 'I know why the caged bird sings', one of my new favorite poems. A blog will eventually be written with it as it's focus, along with the tattoo it helped inspire. 

*prayer journal: what I mean by that is a journal filled with my prayers for my future significant other. For their protection, for their safety, for their hearts. That God continues feeding their passions. Just really whatever is laid on my heart for them. Write it all down in a journal, and BAM, you've got a prayer journal.
 



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