I go back and forth with liking the guy I've liked [back and forth] since the beginning of our friendship almost 2 years ago. And sometimes, like just now, I catch myself wishing he would just break my heart. He would just unleash all the things he does not like about me. I hear myself wispering in my mind "break my heart, just break it" because it would be easier that way. But it would destroy our friendship and my heart, and it would hurt his heart to say all those things. 

Oh the things that we'll put ourselves through to make it "easier".

I was sitting here thinking about that, and as so often happens my mind associated a song lyric with it:
"break my heart for what breaks Yours" 
and instantly I was humbled. Getting so consumed in myself that even though I invited God into it all, I wasn't letting my eyes go to Him. To what breaks HIS heart. At the end of the day, I have a great friendship with this guy, and am blessed to have this heartache, because at least the guy I like is good. I hate liking someone who is just all wrong [ie smokes pot and just wants a 'casual' relationship, like guys I have liked in the past]. 
-----> Instead of praying about wishing the guy would change and NOT be a jerk, I get to thank God for making a man after His own heart.

I want to pray about this. I want to give it all to God, and for once let Him take it. I want to talk His ear off about it, and I want to be still, know that He is God, and hear what He has to say about it. I want this to be a time of strengthening Jeremiah 29:11 in my heart and making it rock solid. To truly know and believe the plans my Father has for me are amazing, even when I can't see them. I want to work on not just guarding my heart, but giving my heart so much to God that I couldn't give it away even if I tried. 
-------> I want my heart to break for what breaks His. I want to get back to praying for human trafficking and victims of abuse. For the people I know that God loves, but for some reason they won't believe that. The rest of that song goes:Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am, for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

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