Tonight I was driving home and I looked up from adjusting the radio or getting slightly sidetracked by something, into the face of a deer standing on the side of the road, who was clearly wondering if she should cross. I'm looking at this young little doe and instantly my heart just goes out to her and hear myself plead out loud, "No baby, don't do that!"

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And then it hit me, this thing is so graceful and beautiful and the Bible tells us that God loves us, that God finds us beautiful, that we are His.

          *The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
 
 I wonder if He feels the same way as  I did when He sees us about to enter into a dangerous relationship, whether it be friendship or a romantic relationship, a relationship where we could get hurt. Our hearts could be injured but we don't even see it as that, we aren't even aware of the road we're about to try and cross, the danger we're about to put ourselves in. Does His heart jump into His chest, hoping that He won't see a creature destroyed by oncoming traffic, that instead it will turn around away from the danger. Does He hope this with all of His heart?

I wonder if that's how He sees us, a creature standing on the side of the road, easily hurt because it just doesn't understand what cars are or how they work. It doesn't deserve to get hit, but it will get hit whether it deserves it or not if it tries to cross the street when someone isn't paying attention, when someone driving isn't looking out for that deer. 
------------> It is how He sees us. He loves us, plain and simple.
That's how other people are to us, they hurt us so easily even when they don't mean to. Of course, everybody knows that it's the people who are closest to us that hurt us the most. I definitely get that; I had a guy friend who was like a brother (I have a few guy friends who are like that to me) and I feel like he's not my brother anymore; like I don't even know him. Not because he's changed, but I feel like I'm seeing him for the first time: I saw him as a brother, but he didn't see me as a sister. I feel worthless when it comes to him and that has finally mannifested itself as anger even though it's really jsut all this hurt, but it just hurts so much that I can't deal with it. I can't call him my brother anymore, I can't keep trying to spend quality time with him to the point that it just doesn't work that way anymore. I am tired of getting hit by cars. 

----------> This is me being human. I'm torn with this post, because I love having such a moment with God where I feel like I understand Him just a little bit more, I could for that second see from His point of view just a little. I'm also tempted to cut it off and not talk about my current relationship problems. However, I always feel the need to be REAL. Which means that I also want to say that I know God also says: 
     **Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Which means that...I need to reconcile. Which I can't right now, because I'm too hurt, I'm too human. I don't see this friendship being fixed after his actions say so clearly that he doesn't want to actively be friend. Which doesn't change the fact that I need to have brotherly love towards him. Color me frustrated.

There are tons of verses about God loving us and brotherly love, but the two I quoted are:
*Jeremiah 31:3
**Romans 12:10

 



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