I feel like I've lost myself. That Jonathan and I have arrived at the very same place I've been before. That feeling of complete 'lost'ness. Like you've fallen in a hole and you simultaneously blame the other person and are extremely sad that they can't seem to get you out of it. And of course at the same time you feel as though you're damaging your relationship and the other person. And it's 


(as always)

But you know what? Because I've been here before, I know what it is! 
We have become codependent and I've lost myself and my own personal expression
Guess how you fix it?

Well for me, more time alone.
More more more.
More time with music.
And definitely, 
more time creating. And when I say 'more' I mean more than zero, which is how much time I've been spending being creative lately. And you'd think that because a lack of creativity is classic erin kryptonite which is quite well known to me, that I'd plan out a time to be creative and thusly not fall down a scary rabbit hole inside of my own head on a daily basis. But alas! I've always felt that creativity cannot be planned, which...well I just don't know about. But today begins a time of planned creativity. Planned color and music and alone time. 

And maybe I'll call it 'Spontaneous Art' and then I'll schedule it everyday. So it will be spontaneous and scheduled which seem to cross each other out but still sound intriguing to my ear which is quite perfect, if I do say so myself.
And I do!


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