Just in case you're stalking my life, I feel like I should update. Also, as usual, I SHOULD be sleeping/getting ready for sleep, but I just can't. I'm currently having a really good week. Earlier it was stressful, but now I'm getting used to the stress & am working with it. My friend and I have this deal, that will one day be made official with a pinky promise, that since he lives far away, when we get to see each other I give him a cup that I've drawn all over (a throwaway one, like from Starbucks) and sometime during his or my visit he plays me a song. 
----> It's a great deal because it includes something both of us enjoy and the other one appreciates. It's fun. 
So if you don't count art and being creative, I got nothing done today, other than making it to class as a fast as a ninja, cause I woke up 5 minutes before it was supposed to start, and still managed to get there before the teacher.


One of my most beloved friends and I are having issues. Or maybe 'issues' isn't the correct word...it's one of those times where I was adamant and hurt over something, and just couldn't process, but now I just don't care.
Random: I do wonder though, why I always have this happen. I feel as though as soon as something with one friend is resolved, another problem pops up. Maybe it's me. Maybe I just have deep relationships with a lot of people, and deep relationships tend to have problems. And by problems I mean...well, when you're open with someone, feelings eventually get hurt. But you love them, and they love you, so in the end it should be ok...?
I did some free writing on that, and when I say free writing I mean non-edited jotted down on a post-it note sort of writing: 
Like if I had siblings
Or if I jump off the swing when I'm high enough I can fly away
Maybe on the inside my arms are purple and
The vines growing on the side of the house will grow on top of me if I lean up against it long enough,
These are things I can pretend.
But pretend that we didn’t hurt each other,
I can’t do that.
We held each other’s hearts and we took a stab because both of us were hurt
Or both of us were misunderstood
Or something.
But either way hearts are bleeding
And you want to pretend like it’s not happening
But for some reason I cannot ignore the blood running down my chest
Or the knife in my hand that has hurt one of the people I care about the most
Thing I can’t pretend.

So yeah. I guess you could say that's my rambling "poetry" for the week.
As a random side note, my spleen has been hurting since Monday night and I think I'm finally going to get it checked out within the next few days. If I find out that it is at all "girl related" I'm gonna stab something. (true life: sometimes being a girl sucks)

-New found enjoyment: folding paper cranes.
-Number of sharpies used on aforementioned paper cup: 22
-I'm going on an official college visit next Tuesday, staying in a dorm with girls I don't know and everything. Color me SUPER EXCITED!
-I get to see my friend Dave pretty soon (also known as Ginger) and that hit me today as I was driving to my class. I'm not excited even, I'm just so at peace. Thinking about it made me breath a big sigh of relief, he's one of those friends that makes me breathe easier and slow down. There is never judgement from him.
-I'm reading a book on apologetics (defending the Christian faith) and it's presenting the argument for and against things like 'what does it matter if there is or is not a God?' and evolution. It's pretty awesome. And intimidating. But my soul is so incredibly thirsty for it.
-Tomorrow I start working 4 days a week with two week(-ish) old twins. Nervous nervous!

 



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