and it feels so gross.

I'm a little stressed in anticipation of a transition that is quickly approaching, and frankly, I just need to talk about it.
Last semester I had one weekend class, that lasted a month. So clearly, I am very much out of the 'school loop'. ie, I now read when I want, and hand writing more than a paragraph is not something I'm a fan of.
That being said, next week school starts. Not that many classes, but my hardest semester yet. Also, my last semester of community college. Now I just have to try and transfer...
Also, sign language 4. (ie ASL 4). Wow so daunting. It is my number one and ultimate goal for the time being to be excellent, to the best of my abilities, in that class, for God. The man upstairs. My father and my best friend. I'm working at trying to overcome the fear of signing when I talk (I really want to practice that way, but I'm scared I'll look like an idiot), which sounds like an easy thing to get over, but it's really not.

My Ginger has been here for 3 weeks. A very long, glorious time has been spent, with much chillage and upkeep of his dreadlocks. I've spent the most time with him, which is saying something, seeing as how he even has family here. And I'd feel bad but I've loved it too much. He leaves on Saturday and one of my best friends keeps asking me how I'm doing with that, and I keep not responding. I don't want to think about it. I've officially gotten used to him being here, to hearing his comments in groups, and just...to having my guy best friend back. 

My life will go back to normal when he leaves, and part of me is looking forward to that. To quote Kusco: 
"You threw off my groove!"

And I loved every minute of it. 

I get to see him again in April. 4 months. I'm also nervous about counting down. AS IN, I don't want to. I refuse to live my life anxiously awaiting a day that is to come. It's stupid and ridiculous, and not really living. Our friendship got stronger and healthier with him being here, and for that I am uber grateful to God. Still, do I wish I was going into this crazy school time knowing that he was on campus and we could chill at lunch instead of halfway across the country?
dur.

Do I want him to transfer back and ditch the conservatory? 
no way jose. I love the music in that boy.

I turn 21 in one month and 5 days! And I'm super excited because I get to volunteer as sort of a child advocate starting in
one month and 5 days!
hopefully I can start training sooner (30 hours of required training). 
---> This is literally the only thing I'm excited about, when it comes to turning 21. I refuse to celebrate my being of the legal age to drink. Yay, I can now legally spend more money on drinks! No. I've been drinking for ages. In fact, this just means that I'm going to have to really watch myself, I've noticed one of my friends drink A LOT lately, and it's been getting to me. Alcoholism runs in most families, including mine, and I refuse to go down that road. Or get close to it. Or even a side path that leads to it. So with 21 comes:
never drinking alone
not drinking when I'm sad
and other things that I'll think of. Maybe I'l reread Augusten Burrough's book 'Dry'. [[[It's amazingly awesome, you should read it. He's funny, to say the super least]]]

Side note! I am excited for my actual birthday. I'm looking forward to the joy that goes a long with birthdays. 

Babysitting Michael two to three times a week starts on Monday. 
That, combined with two really difficult classes, and one class that I want to give myself enough time and leeway for to really let my creative juices flow...when will I see my friends again? 
Especially since so frequently they suck at planning.
I love them.
But they do.

I also have the tendency of ditching homework/studying/dedicating myself to learning another language to go and hangout. My plan? Make a schedule at the beginning of the week for homework, try and schedule hangout time, and if the hangout time isn't scheduled, it's not happening.

Oh wow also! [sorry for this rant peeps. but be honest, isn't your brain like this too sometimes?]
Weight loss. It's gonna happen. I now have all the tools. And this time, I've gotta be healthy about it, none of the old 'no eating' stuff that part of me truly thrives on. If I don't eat I won't have any energy to do all of the stuff you just read about! Also, I'm truly scared to pass out while babysitting and or while driving. Not cool. Losing 1 pound a week is completely possible, and woah I want to be smaller by Jindy's wedding (that's Justin and Mindy combined. I know, great combo name, right? I thought of it. They weren't fans of 'Mustin'). Said awesome wedding of two amazing people with most of my friends is happening in April. Yup, 4 months away. Now I just have to stress about exercising, eating somewhat healthy, but not getting obsessed with it, because that's not spiritually healthy. I want my focus to stay on God and not hating my body, which I already do and really don't want to do anymore.

Hey random thought!
I've actually started creating art. I'm finally coming up with ideas to draw/paint! So if you want to send some black sharpies my way, that'd be beyond beast! I should be posting a picture this week of a finished project. In fact, I'll put a work in progress pic right...here!
Picture
there's gonna be a girl, and balloon, and a sun dripping color that's gonna be changing the balloon from black to...a color! And a bunch more stuff!
Also, must fit in more time for reading and growing. Spiritual growth, personal growth, all that jazz. Books to expand my mind! 

So what do I leave with you, awesome person who managed to finish reading this entire, viciously long blog post?

Please pray for me. I'll do the same for you. Believe with me that God is the epitome of good, and as such, this stuff will work out. I'll learn and grow, and be tested and cry; all of which are good for me. I'll learn even more to appreciate the time I get to spend with my friends. 

 


Comments

Stephanie
01/09/2011 15:42

Buns! So...I think this blog post that I just read was a couple of days old...?? (Correct me if I'm wrong) But yeah, it was definitely cool cause as I was reading it, I kept hearing your voice talking in my head....O.o okay, that soudns crazy....I promise I'm not that crazy!!!!......Okay...maybe a little, but you know what I mean! Oh man, I miss you Erin, alot and I wish that my webcam/laptop worked so I could skype you! Yeah, I really miss talkin with ya. Oh, but this morning I went to a Baptist church that one of my friends goes to and he invited a few of us to go with him. But yeah, it was interesting.....um...it was very not conservative...but...oh, traditional. We sang hymns...there were old people....and pews! But yeah, so that was exciting. I'm not really sure what I think about it yet-being as it's only been my first time there, it makes sense that I wouldn't really know- I kinda like it. I like the whole singing hymns thing. I don't know, it's kinda cool.
Anyways, I just wanted to leave you a message and oh! Btw, I like your blogs! They're beast!
Miss you!!!
Fanniebug

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