I just was listening to one of my friends share his heart and caught myself feeling so incredibly lost. Normally when it comes to people sharing, I love it. You can't tell on my face (I don't think), but I'm praying for a lot of it. I don't want to speak if God doesn't want me to, or be silent and not let Him speak through me. I don't worry about it, but I'm very aware that people only share with me because God is here influencing our lives. 

But tonight I was lost. 
I've been walking a long this path with God for long that sometime along the way I stopped growing and started walking on my own. Which is something that happens to older Christ followers, because you get used to walking the walk that you stop relying on God and most of the time, you don't realize that you're no longer holding His hand until something world changing happens and you reach out for Him and He's not there.
----> Or rather, you aren't.

He's still right where you've left Him and will be there in an instant. 
But I just so hate that feeling of reaching out to grab onto His hand and instead meeting empty air. 
He came into the conversation when I surrendered and cried out to Him. It was painful admitting my own failure. Like when you realize that you've let down a close friend with your own stupidity and selfishness. I feel like if I'm not growing, I'm not doing something right. I don't know if that will change and at one point in my life God will require rest from me, but I know for right now, I need re-evaluate what is God and what are my good intentions. 
 


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