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Saw these at Eastern Market in DC over the weekend. Was so excited I had to take a picture!

Random fact about me: I love lilies. They mean a lot to me because of my grandmother (you should ask me about this in person. It's a pretty good story/good way to hear a random insight into my life and past). And...they just make me really happy. Whenever I see a lily it feels like seeing a family member I haven't seen in ages. Great stuff! 
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Yup. This is one example of how much I love lilies [I have one tattooed on me. Amongst other things]


Things are going so well right now, in my heart. I am fantastically happy, joyful, peaceful and content. Thought I'd share!
 
 
Today I went for a walk with my dog, Abby. [I really feel like stopping writing right now, and just publishing that one sentence. Not that I don't feel like writing, just to make it the most pointless blog update ever. But alas...I don't really feel like doing it. Onward!]

We walked around my neighborhood, which is essentially a very large circle. It was that perfect time right before dusk, before the streetlights come on. 

As a sidenote: I feel like whenever I am in a position of authority [even if it is just walking my dog] I somehow get something out of it. Mainly, I end up getting some sort of perspective on patience, or how God views us. Just a random view into my life.

During our walk there came a time when it definitely looked like it was about to pour. And as much as I love rain, I didn't love the idea of being stuck far from home in it, with my dog who does not like rain. This being the case, there was no longer going to be anymore dilly-dallying on either of our parts [ok, mainly her, when I go for a walk I go for a walk]. Of course she doesn't understand the imminent threat of a thunderstorm, so she really does not appreciate it when I don't let her take her time and stop and sniff everything like she enjoys doing. Taking all the situation in I realized that must be how God feels so much. He sees the storm and tries to keep us on track, but we're so easily distracted by what's in front of our face that we don't pay attention to His guidance.

Later on [this was a long walk. trust me] we're walking at a fairly fast pace [the threat of rain ended up not being fulfilled] and she starts coughing every few steps. But she just keeps chuggin along, even though it's perfectly alright if she stops and takes a breather. After a minute or so of this I finally have to make her stop walking and chill out for a few minutes. And when I say 'make her' I mean I literally had to kneel down next to her and make her stand still. Once again I was reminded of our walk with God when we're just striving to get where we think we need to go...sometimes we need to slow down before we start tripping ourselves up in our hurry. 

And. Last dog walking example, I promise: Part of my neighborhood runs next to a very busy road, which completely freaks my dog out. And by freak out I mean weaving all over the sidewalk and turning around like she didn't know which direction we were headed/had come from. And because I'm not a fan of just observing problems, I like to fix them, I decided to just carry her. Sure she gets heavy after a while, but she's my dog. All you dog people out there will know what I mean, it's an intense love. It doesn't hurt that she's not too fat and I could use the arm workout. At first she wasn't a fan because she was still scared of the cars whizzing by us, but after a few minutes she enjoyed the ride. And sometimes we need to let God carry us. 

Letting God carry us...now that's a very real concept in my life right now. I'm starting down the long path of healing, dealing with some major stuff in my life that until now I had just been coping with. Surviving is a better word. I'm a survivor. And sometimes that makes me bitter, and in my bitterness instead of turning to God, I've turned in on myself and just clutched my hurts tight. So many times I watch children clutch 'Bear' or 'Rabbit' tight and I wonder what they'll clutch when they're older. I've clutched hurts and insecurities. And lies. I've clutched the idea of being strong [strong in God, strong in myself, just strong in general. Pick one, I've tried to be it]. And in being 'strong' I never allowed myself to be weak, and to heal. 


So now the healing, with and led by God, begins. This summer is going to be amazing!
 
 
I keep seeing this bumper sticker different places or quoted on girl's pages. 
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But what I'm wondering is, when is it a choice?
 
 
More free writing. Found stuff I had written a few years ago. Looking over things I wrote when I was in highschool/recently graduated I see two main themes:
1. I'm completely dramatic.
2. I'm a romantic


Guess which one I still am? You better have said romantic. 
Also. I still like some of it. Maybe thats because I can remember why I wrote it/who I wrote it for. 
Here's some examples:

Sometimes I feel like I'm not me
Without you
Sometimes I feel like I'm not me
At all

Sometimes I think
You took the best of me
Sometimes I think
I gave you the best
Sometimes I think
I had nothing to give in the first place

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i am thankful to you mom, because you define the word love for me, at its truest form.
you've never given up, never failed to care, never failed to hope, never left

dad. you've taught me how to laugh at myself. how to be strong, stronger than the average 18 year old. stronger than the average 8 year old. because even then i had to be strong for you.

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I miss brown paper bags
And you writing my name pretty on the outside.
Dancing in the car
Falling asleep to the music.

I miss the days when having a crush faded away
Yesterday I liked you
I looked at pictures of you today
And felt my heart stir
Then grow.
Now it is longing for something it will never have.
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I wish you didn't care what others think,
Its not about them, its about you.
I wish you could see your own beauty,
And not starve for what you think you should be.
I wish you didn't strive for their attention,
Live your life for you.
I wish you loved yourself,
The way others love you.

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Always 
I want to run so fast
I feel my feet lift off the ground
Wings sprout from my back
And I am in the air
That is the stuff my dreams are made of
Both in sleep and awake

Not tonight
No tonight I want to float here with you
Suspend this moment in time
Eyes closed
Hair floating around my head
I know we look like water angels
Just you and I

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A man once said “You have to know the past to understand the present.”
Well.
I know that I smile more now.
That I've found love that I didn't have back then.
My present is wonderful and my future is hopeful. 

So to quote Kuzko, "Boom, baby!"